What is Love?

Those who don't like it call it a responsibility,
Those who play with it call it a game,
Those who don't have it call it a dream,
Those who love call it destiny.

Sometimes, God who knows the best,
Will give us sorrow as a test.
Sometimes He will wound the heart,
For greater wisdom to impart.

If we lose love, we lose it for a reason.
That reason may be hard to understand
But whatever it is, we just have to believe
That God takes away,
when He has something better to give.

Why wait?
Because although we want to be decisive,
We do not want to be impulsive.
Although we want to be swift,
We do not want to be hasty.

Although we want to hold on to the one we love,
We do not want to lose ourselves in the process.

If we want to run, we must first learn to walk.
If we want to swim, we must first learn to float.
If we want to make love, we must first ! learn to love.

In the end, it is still best to wait for the one we
want
rather than settle for the one who is available.

It is still the best to wait for the one you love
rather than settle for the one who is around

It is still best to wait for the right person
Because life is too short to waste on a wrong person

Because waiting serves a purpose
Noble and mysterious,

You have to know that flowers do not bloom overnight
Rome was not built in a day
A life grows in the womb for nine months
Great love grows steadily over a lifetime

Most good things in life take a long time
And they are all worth waiting for...

Laree
9:19 AM



Thursday, August 22, 2002


Ahhh...Haven't posted in a while and haven't been going on MSN or IRC lately...Why? Because I've been reading a lot lately in a bid to gain inspiration. YnM fics, Saiyuki fics, Amy Tan, Stephen King...I have too much time and my hands, dammit! And I managed to write six parts of my new KoRu...heeheeheehee...I've already posted Part One at the babble and I'll be posting Part Two here since I know that only you guys, you know who you are...heehee...Come around here, if you even actually do...hrrrrmmm...Anyways, feel free to diss away. I was considering posting this at the ellies realm and then I thought HRRRRMMM??? Let my fic get ripped apart by Nagy or Fufu or Ju or anyone else? Noooooooooooooooo! Nah...Kidding. I just wanted to put it here so that I know no people will be stumbling upon it before it's ready...

Colors
Part Two

~**~

“ If you shove that thing one more time in my face Mitsui, I swear to all the gods in existence that I’m going to take that camera and pound it repeatedly with my shoe until it’s nothing but little scraps of plastic and metal. Then what will you use for this years classes, hey? A camera is a requirement for those people studying photography, isn’t it? Think about it.”

“ He’s being serious. For your sake, Mitsui-kun, listen to him.”

Mitsui Hisashi slowly lowered the high-tech camera that he had been toting around the whole morning. Actually, the thing pretty much never left its place from around his neck. He was a third year, like us, but unlike Fujima and I, he had no talent whatsoever when it came to drawing or painting. But that didn’t matter,
because his first love, and the course that he was taking up in Shohoku, was photography. He tipped his head to one side and flashed Fujima a sneer that he knew full well would infuriate him. I was guessing that that was exactly its intended purpose. “ Who said that I was taking pictures of you, hey, Fujima?” his tone of voice was dripping with scorn, “I’m only interested in Kogure-kun because you’re ugly when you pout like that…”

“ Bastard!” If there was one thing Fujima hated, it was being called ugly, though he must know that ‘ugly’ wasn’t a word that most people would use when asked to describe him. As far as I knew, Mitsui was pretty much the only one in existence who had ever called him that, and even when he did, he never really meant it. You could tell. He just liked to see that flush of anger rising in Fujima’s cheeks. Back then, I already sort of had a hunch that maybe Mitsui had a thing for my best friend, and that hunch was to be proven correct a few weeks before graduation. But that comes later, if at all since it holds no relevance to my story.

Mitsui just rolled his eyes and ran his thumb along the little scar that he had across his chin, the edges of his lips upturned. That was a habit that he had when trying to hide his amusement. He obviously found it entertaining to get a rise out of Fujima. “ I was kidding, all right? Your beauty is simply awe inspiring! I’m going to suggest to Anzai-sensei that they dedicate a whole course to immortalizing your stunning perfection in paintings and sculptures and portraits and whatever. Now will you just let me get a couple of shots of you and Kogure? Anzai-sensei asked me to take pictures of the people who helped organize this whole exhibit thing for the school paper and the two of you did, right? So just let me do my job and I’ll be on my way and out of your face.”

Fujima grudgingly relented. It wasn’t that he didn’t like having his pictures taken, because he did. But the last time that Mitsui had gotten hold of some photographs of him back in our freshmen year, they had ended up being blown up to poster size and sold in the hallways of the school.

Of course, when Mitsui was actually taking the pictures, instead of the petulant scowl that he had had on just a few seconds before, he was flashing his brightest, most charming smile. There was nothing like the prospect of having his face in the school paper that inspired Fujima to smile his brightest.

When he had finished, Mitsui gave us both a mock salute before he went off in search for Sendoh Akira and Koshino Hiroaki, the second years that had been in charge of the arrangement of the numerous displays. “ Well, anyways, you two guys did a great job! This exhibit turned out nicely, in my humble opinion!”

I grinned at that. I also happened to think that the exhibit had turned out to be a big success. And to think that this would be the last time that Fujima and I would get to help out in the preparations…

It was a sad thought for me. I had enjoyed working on the project and sort of regretted the fact that I would be graduating this school year and wouldn’t be able to help out in the next exhibit.

But then again, that was still a long way off, it was only the first day of school after all, so I pushed that thought out of my mind and decided that I would go and have another look around, even though I had already seen pretty much everything that was on display due to the fact that I had helped sort out most of the artwork and on top of that, had already gone around the showroom countless of times.

I must admit that part of the reason that I had been wandering around the display room so much was because I was hoping that I would maybe run into this mysterious Rukawa Kaede.

I was slightly disappointed by the fact that I still hadn’t managed to catch even a glimpse of him. Hell, I still didn’t know squat about him. Looking back now, I realized how stupid I had been. Now that I actually thought about it, the first thing that I should have done was to ask Anzai-sensei about him, then what happened to me that day of the exhibition could have been avoided.

A few minutes before Mitsui had come to take our picture, while making my rounds, I had already bumped into Sakuragi Hanamichi, the artist of the painting that had first caught my fancy. I had burst out laughing as I had been introduced to him by Sendoh, who seemed to have gotten quite chummy with him, not because he looked strange or anything, but because I realized, as soon as I first set eyes on him, that he burned with the same kind of fiery, passionate and vibrant flames that he had put to canvas. And it wasn’t just in the way that he conducted himself either, though that played a big part in it, I could also see it from his head of bright red hair.

I had liked him immediately and, hoping that he might know something about the mysterious first year that I was seeking out since he was in the same year level as him, I had asked him if the name Rukawa Kaede meant anything to him, but he had just shaken his head. Sendoh’s answer had been the same, but they both reassured me that they would keep a look out for him for me.

After a few more minutes of chatter about the Junior High School that Sakuragi had come from, I came away with the brand new nick name of ‘Megane-kun’, only to be grabbed by the arm by Mitsui and dragged away in search of Fujima for a photo op.

All in all, I had been having a pretty good day, a day that would have been made all the more better by the appearance of Rukawa Kaede.

I spent most of the morning asking people about him, but no one seemed to know him. It was as though he didn’t exist.

After a while, when I had asked practically every person who I knew in the room if they knew and had seen Rukawa Kaede, I gave up, for the moment in any case, and parked myself in front of the painting that had started it all.

It still captivated me as much as it had the first time I’d seen it. There was so much emotion and feeling poured out in it that I would think it impossible not to be drawn in by the play of colors. “ Beautiful…” I murmured unconsciously under my breath. “ Cold, but so beautiful.”

By then someone had come to stand beside me. I shook myself out of my reverie and turned the slightest bit to get a better view of whoever it was that was admiring this painting with me.

I’d never seen him before, because if I had, I would have been sure not to forget. Pitch black hair hung down over his forehead and onto a pair of upwards slanting bright blue eyes that were framed with thick, long black lashes that any girl would kill for. I thought them strange. Strange, but beautiful. I wondered if he was a Japanese-American or maybe a Eurasian. That would explain a lot of things then. I’d always heard that mixed blood kids turned out beautiful and from what I’d seen so far of the mixed race kids in school, that seemed to be the truth.

He had fair and flawless skin that was even paler than Fujima’s own, it was as though he was hardly ever touched by the sun, and even though I guessed that he was just a freshman, he was already taller than me by a good few inches. He was slim, but not overly so. He had the densely muscled body that a runner might have, nice, well formed cheekbones, an elegantly shaped nose and thin, firm lips that looked rather inviting.

I could have kicked myself for thinking that last part about a total stranger. I usually wasn’t like that. I’m not one who judges a book by its cover. Sure, the guy came in a pretty package but who knew what he was actually like?

After I had finished surreptitiously checking him out, I discreetly cleared my throat and decided that I would initiate a conversation in an attempt to get to know this blue-eyed beauty beside me a bit better.

By then, I had pretty much come to terms with my sexuality after a rather serious relationship with Mitsui, and a brief experimentation with Sendoh. I’m not quite as innocent as I may seem on the outside with my friendly, open smile, my glasses that keep on slipping down the bridge of my nose and my floppy brown hair that always tumbles down onto my forehead no matter how many times I try to push it back, but on the other hand, I wasn’t completely uninhibited either, like some of the guys in school, but I had loosened up enough to be able to initiate conversation with a stranger, something that I wouldn’t have been able to do back when I’d first started out in Shohoku. I guess I’d gained a lot of confidence since those days.

I cleared my throat. “ Do you like the painting?”

I could see his blue eyes narrowing upon hearing my voice. The corner of his lips pulled down slightly and it was obvious that he was debating within himself about whether or not he should answer. After a while, he did. “ I don’t know.”

I laughed. His almost-frown deepened. I was immediately sorry for my little outburst. This guy seemed to be overly touchy and he might have misread my mirth and thought that I was laughing at him when it was myself that I’d found so amusing. “ Funny that you should say that. That would have been my answer also had you asked me the same question.” I highly doubted if he would have made a move to start a conversation in the first place though, had the choice been left up to him.

I could already tell that he was the strong, dark and silent type. I held out a hand towards the painting. “ It’s beautiful, yes. The play and the combination of the colors perfect. But…it makes me think that whoever painted it must feel that he is very lonely, very much isolated. It makes me sad to think that a person could feel like this…”

“ Why?”

I shrugged, glad that he was participating in the conversation willingly now, even though he was speaking in monosyllabic words. “ Why it gives me the impression of loneliness? This is going to sound stupid, but I was struck by the use of all that blue.”

“ Blue is the color of loneliness…”

My smile became wider. I’d been happily surprised by his comment. “ Why yes, exactly my thought! The way that the blue eventually fades out to become black as you go into the center of the canvas, how that blue and black color surrounds the tiny little island of the bright colors at the center, it makes me think that the person who painted this finds very little in this life to be of much pleasure. That he feels cut off from the things around him.”

The boy stepped closer towards the painting, his strange blue eyes never leaving it.

“ I feel sorry for this Rukawa Kaede. I wish I could make him less lonely, make him see that there’s a lot more in this world to be happy about than he seems to think.” When I look back, I don’t know why I suddenly chose that day to become so talkative. I’d never spoken so freely to a stranger before, as I did that day. I was about to open my mouth to ask him for his name when I felt a hand clapping down onto my shoulder.

“ Kogure-kun, I must congratulate you on a job well done.”

I turned and smiled at Anzai-sensei. “ It was nothing, sensei. Fujima and I really didn’t find sorting the paintings to be at all troublesome. It was a pleasure.”

The portly, white haired teacher laughed. I liked the way that Anzai-sensei laughed. His laughter sounded sincere. Not at all fake the way some laughs can sound. “ Credit must be given where credit is due, don’t you think, Kogure-kun? And I see that you have made the acquaintance of this very talented young man here. I should have known that it would only be a matter of time before the law of gravitation drew two such similar souls together.”

I puzzled over this. By then, my companion had acknowledged the old teacher’s presence with a low bow.

“ Kogure-kun, this boy, much like you, is a force to be looked out for in the Japanese art scene. Both such very talented boys who are both tuned to the same wavelength.” Anzai-sensei laughed again, his eyes twinkling with delight from behind his wire rimmed glasses as he looked over the two of us standing side by side. “ I trust that you found his work to be quite good?”

“ Oh yes. You must have a painting displayed here somewhere!” Kogure suddenly realized. “ Where is it and what’s the title? If it comes with such a high recommendation from Anzai-sensei then I’m sure that it would be something that warrants a look.”

The boy gestured vaguely to the wall behind him. I followed his hand and saw a still life of a vase of flowers. Good technique, good blending of colors and the rendering was satisfactory but quite frankly, it was nothing special. I couldn’t understand why Anzai-sensei had gone on about this boy so much when his work seemed quite ordinary. “ ‘Flower Arrangement’. Quite nice...” Kogure squinted and made out the writing on the name plaque right under the painting, “Sakuma-san…”

“ It’s Rukawa, sempai.” He corrected, face remaining passive, his tone of voice completely bland and emotionless.

It took a while for the name to register. When it finally did, my eyes darted from him, to the painting right beside ‘Flower Arrangement’, and it just happened to be the one that had so enthralled me. Now I knew what people meant when they said that their blood had run cold.

“And the untitled one’s mine.”

~**~

Laree
5:18 AM