Dedicated to all the wonderful RuKo no Seishi ^___^. This is the shortest fic I’ve ever written in my life…Heehee. Usually my one-shots are at least eight pages long…Heehee. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing…
Anyways, this fic is unbetad and came into existence when my friend told me that I would be incapable of writing something without the phrase ‘ I Love You’ if my life depended on it. He seems to think that everything I write is sap, I admit that that might be true…Heehee. But so what? I like sap ^______________^
Doesn’t RuKo just have *so* much potential for angst? ^________^. Wouldn’t it be *great* to see more RuKo angst in the babble??? Hmmm… Am I being subtle enough? Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m just about as subtle as a bulldozer and as transparent as glass -__-
Rukawa Kaede’s first impulse when he felt someone gently shaking him out of his much loved sleep was to kick out with his right leg and land a good one in the culprit’s guts. But through the haze of his sleep-befuddled mind, the sound of the unmistakable voice calling his name prevented him from doing so. Knowing that it would be futile to try and get back to sleep, he cracked one eye open and glared at the young man standing by his bed. “ I should never have given you the keys to my apartment.” He grumbled, pulling his blankets tighter about himself. Kogure Kiminobu had managed to wake him up, that much was certain, but he wasn’t planning on getting out of his nice, warm bed to face the winter chill outside without putting up a fight.
“ I made you breakfast.” The bespectacled boy replied, making no sign that he had noticed his boyfriend’s annoyance. He frowned slightly as he took in the state of the bedroom. He could have sworn that he had just cleaned it up a couple of days ago. The amount of mess that Kaede could create in just a matter of two days was really quite awe inspiring when you thought about it, but right then, Kogure preferred not to. He knew that he would start cleaning the place out as soon as Kaede left; only to have it all messed up again by his next visit, but he would like to hold on to the pleasant thought that maybe, just maybe this one time, the younger boy would notice the effort that he had put in making the apartment pleasant and be a little more scrupulous when it came to cleanliness.
“ I don’t need breakfast. I need sleep.” Rukawa declared, burying his face deeper into his pillow and sounding, for all the world, like a six-year-old child. This kicked off the daily routine of Kogure having to wheedle the younger boy out from under the covers. It was ridiculous, really. Kogure knew that Rukawa knew that he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, now that he was half awake and aware of his presence in the apartment but this was their routine and if it made Kaede happier to follow it, then follow it they would.
With a soft sigh, Kogure sat down by the edge of the bed and pressed a gentle kiss against the younger boy’s forehead. As exasperating as Rukawa was acting right then, Kogure couldn’t find it in his heart to be angry with him. He knew how tiring Rukawa’s practices were for him so the last thing that he wanted to do was rag at him about how important it was to get up early. If it weren’t for the fact that it was absolutely necessary for the younger boy to be up and about, then he would gladly have let him stay in bed for as long as he wanted. “ I’m sorry, Kaede-kun, but you have practice in just over an hour. I knew that you wouldn’t have been able to wake up in time by yourself so I decided to drop by and remind you. Come on. Basketball practice!”
Rukawa groaned, but seeing the truth in Kogure’s words, he sat up on the bed and rubbed the remaining sleepiness off his eyes, before leaning forward and giving his boyfriend the obligatory good morning kiss. “ I hate mornings.” He grumbled, as he padded obediently after Kogure towards the kitchen where the smell of bacon was coming from.
“ You always say that.” Kogure pointed out, placing a plate loaded high with food before the dark haired young man and setting his own down from across him.
“ I mean it.”
“ I know you do. But it can’t be that bad, waking up to me and a ready made breakfast nearly every day…”
Realizing his mistake, Rukawa tried to make amends. “ I like that part…”
“ The ready made breakfast or me part?” Silence met his question. Seeing the frown on the younger man’s face, Kogure realized just how testy he must have sounded. He had to admit that yes, he might be a bit bitter over the lack of recognition and appreciation from Rukawa, but he truly hadn’t meant to appear as dissatisfied with things as he must have sounded.
Rukawa kept his eyes fixed on the surface of the table as he raised his glass of juice to his lips and took a small sip. “ You’ve had enough of me?”
“ Sometimes I think so.” Kogure admitted as he nervously pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. There were times when Rukawa seemed to be shutting him out of his life, times when it seemed as though he had gotten no closer to knowing him any better than he had back when he had first met him in High School. It was then that he was most tempted to just call it quits. But then the younger boy would do something to surprise him, something like picking up the book that he had been telling him he would like to read when Kogure had thought that he hadn’t been paying any attention at all, little gestures that showed that to some extent, he *did* care about him, and Kogure would be sucked right back into the trap.
“ Is it over?”
“ Is this all the reaction that I would get from you if I told you that it was?” Rukawa better reassure him that it wouldn’t be, because right then, the blank expression on the younger man’s face was really just putting another nail in the lid of the coffin of what had been their rather one-sided relationship.
“Probably. I can only allow myself to show so much. You know that, Kimi.”
“ You wouldn’t *feel* anything.” Kogure demanded, his voice tight with barely suppressed anger. Seven years invested in this relationship and there was not a single hint of regret from Rukawa as it was apparently ending. “ No *anger*? No-”
“ Anger? I feel it. At myself, for not being able to keep you happy.”
“ You suffer with me. It’s better for you without me. If I show you how I truly felt. If I broke down right now. I know you would stay.”
“ Kaede!” Kogure snapped, bringing his fist down against the table in an uncharacteristic display of temper.
“ That’s why I won’t. I want you to be happy. If you’ll be happier without me, then go.”
“ Kaede! Dammit. Just answer me.” Kogure took a deep breath to compose himself. There was room for improvement in their relationship. Quite a lot of it. But he didn’t want to end it this way. He wanted to know if Rukawa did, though. If he just wanted to give it up. “ If you were to be selfish-”
“ Aren’t I always?”
Kogure ignored him, “ If you were to think of only yourself, then would you want me to go?”
“ If I were to think only of myself…” Rukawa started slowly, raising his gaze to met Kogure’s, “ Then no. I wouldn’t.”
“ Because I need you.” Silence met this proclamation. Rukawa turned his attention back to his plate of food, his appetite completely gone. Any second now he expected to hear the sound of the chair legs scraping against the kitchen tiles as Kogure got up to leave. To finally leave him and try to find happiness with someone that would be able to give him what he had been unable to. How stupid could he possibly get, replying with something like ‘I need you’ when it was obvious that Kogure had been expecting a proclamation of love, something that he had never been particularly comfortable with.
“ Finish your food, Kaede. You’ve got to be strong for practice, right? You really are too thin. I’ve got to do something about that…” Rukawa looked up with a small smile, having understood the indirect reassurance that Kogure wouldn’t be going anywhere any time soon. At least not without him.
It might be a bit too much to presume such a thing but maybe, just *maybe*, Kogure needed him as much as he himself needed Kogure.