Author: Siren M
Genre: yaoi, somewhat AU
Pairing: senko, ruko
Rating: still dunno
Archive: sd fic archive, fanfiction.net and whoever wants to put it in their shrine, just tell me about it, ^_^V Arigatou!
Warning: yaoi, shounen ai.
Author's Notes: [this] words are thoughts and /flashbacks/ if any. And PLEASE NOTE that the focus will be on Rukawa all way through. This is for Laree-san ^_~ RuKo no Miko and my other fellow seishis
Disclaimer: nothing belongs to me, T_T not even the storyline. So don't sue me, you won't get anything except perhaps a nice large bill from your own lawyer.
(note: the timeline is at least a year after the prologue and the three of them are now in America)
Rukawa rued the day he decided not to move out of the apartment he shared with his cousin and his boyfriend. He wanted to stay, be with him despite the fact that he was not his to touch and despite the fact that he knew he would be heart broken when the inevitable came.
And the inevitable came, all too soon.
He watched, his heart breaking all the while, as the two smiled at each other. Getting married. In Vermont*. They wanted him to go with them, be Sendoh's best man, their witness to their union. It was weird, really, how he could barely hear them talk and yet the small little details could seep into his haze-filled mind.
"-ne, Rukawa-kun?" Rukawa finally focused on Kogure's worried features. "Rukawa-kun? Daijoubu ka?"
"A...aa..." he replied, forcing his throat to produce the sound.
"So, we're going to Vermont for the preparation next month," Sendoh continued, "Then, by September, we'll be a happily married couple!" he made a happy whooping sound and grinned mischievously at the brown-haired boy who was sitting beside him, prompting the older boy to laugh at his antics.
Feeling a sudden need to get out of there, to get away from the both of them, Rukawa got up. The other two look up as he strode towards the door.
"Kaede, doko e ikunda?"
Rukawa said nothing, only continued striding towards the door.
"Rukawa-kun," the soft voice made him halt at the door, his hand on the cool door knob.
He didn't know what to do. What to say? Congratulate them? Perhaps, when his mind has finally stopped its turmoil and settle down. When he had stopped feeling like this, like he wanted to retch out whatever it was in his stomach that was making him feel sick. Maybe then.
"Will you be back for dinner?" the soft voice again, the nauseous feeling he had in his stomach seem to quell. He opened his mouth, suddenly finding it easier to talk.
"Aa...be back soon," then he exited the door, not wanting to answer any more questions. Not wanting to see them both together. Not wanting to look at the soft smiling features. Not wanting to look at concerned brown eyes. Not wanting...not wanting to look at him and know that he couldn't touch him.
In time, Rukawa found himself in a basketball court, far away from his apartment. Not playing basketball, for he had forgotten to take his duffel bag along with him but just sitting there, staring blankly at the dark sky. It would have been better if he had remembered. At least he would have something to do, other than sitting there.
He really hated himself.
Every time he saw Kiminobu, he hated himself.
For not telling him how he felt about him. No, for not having enough courage to tell him.
Rukawa buried his face into his hands. [Kami-sama...]
Rukawa closed the door, noting the silence. No one in the living room. Nor in the kitchen. He walked back to his room, glad that no one was out, catching him coming back so late. It was then that he noticed that the Kogure's room door was slightly ajar and his lights was still on. Opposite Kogure's room, was Akira's room, dark and quiet.
Not for the first time, Rukawa was glad that Kiminobu was, though not entirely, quite conservative. When he had first move in, he persisted in staying in a different room saying that he would prefer not to share a room with anyone unless they were married, much to Akira's extreme dismay. But of course, it didn't seem to make Akira any less fond of Kiminobu, only more.
It really irked Rukawa at how the world seem to play a big fat joke on him. Hentai Sendoh Akira in love with sweet untainted Kogure Kiminobu.
Hoping that he would not be confronted, especially not by the brown haired boy, he walked quietly passed the room. But he couldn't help peeking into the room as he crossed. Apparently, both Kiminobu and Akira was not asleep yet.
Akira was handing a glass of milk to Kiminobu who was sitting on his bed in his pajamas. Then the spiky haired boy leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, whispering to the brown-eyed boy, who nodded, smiling sweetly as he sipped at the milk. Akira watched with a fond look on his face, standing by his boyfriend protectively.
Rukawa turned away from the sweet scene, feeling as if someone had stabbed him in the heart with a dagger and twisted it cruelly. He was almost at the door of his room when Sendoh came out of Kogure's room and closed the door silently.
[Kuso!] Rukawa turned, scowling at his cousin who was, surprisingly, glaring back at him.
"Kimi was worried about you," the spiky haired basketball player said quietly, not wanting to alert Kiminobu of their little conversation.
"So." he snapped. Akira's eyes narrowed, making Rukawa feel somewhat wary.
It was very rare that Akira should get angry. And the only few times that Rukawa had seen Akira angry was because of Kiminobu, one way or the other. He was always smiling and laughing as if nothing mattered. Maybe it didn't, for him.
"You don't care, do you."
Rukawa didn't reply. It wasn't a question anyway. More like an accusation.
"He cares about you. And what do you do?" Akira snapped, his voice getting more louder, "You make him worry! He thinks that you're upset because we're getting married."
"I'm not!" Rukawa answered, opening his door, not wanting to hear anymore from his cousin. "Just shut up!"
Rukawa slammed the door, falling on his bed, ignoring the loud creak the bed made. Through the door of his room, he could hear Kiminobu opening his door, talking to Akira quietly. Akira answered back softly, reassuring the brown-haired boy that everything was alright. Then a door closed.
Rukawa closed his eyes. But sleep didn't come. Instead, a knock on the door made itself known. He kept quiet, somehow knowing who it was who was knocking on his door.
He glared at the ceiling through the darkness, willing Kiminobu to leave him alone. To stop making him feel so much pain just by talking in the soft sweet voice. After a few more knocks that he ignored, Kiminobu finally left, leaving Rukawa with a lump in his throat that he couldn't shallow no matter how hard he tried.
The dark haired young man sat alone on the bench away from his team mates who was talking among themselves about where they were going after the practice. Looking sullen as always, the tall young Japanese man continued in ignoring his team mates, wiping his sweat with his towel.
Rukawa looked up to give his cousin a glare which Sendoh was totally unaffected by. His glare turn more deadlier by the second as Sendoh continued giving that goofy smile of his to every one else. The spiky haired idiot had been insanely bubbly these few days ever since his 'proposing' to Kiminobu, even forgetting his anger towards the fox-eyed boy the morning after their little confrontation.
"Hey, you two."
Both dark haired Japanese boys turned to see one of their team mates, one that they were both familiar with. Light brown hair sprinkled with darker ones, the American born Chinese was one of the very few that had been a good friend to the both of them when they had first arrive to America.
"Yo, Matt!" Sendoh waved cheerily at the other basketball player. The blonde smiled back in response, then slapping the brunette on the shoulder, he teased the younger man.
"Akira! I heard you were getting married!," Matthew said, grabbing Sendoh in a headlock. "You lucky devil!"
"Ai!! Let go!!" Sendoh pleaded, laughing.
"Don't tell me! It's that cute brunette I saw the other day." one of their team mates walking by, butted in. Akira blushed as the two started tormenting him with questions and innuendo coated statements.
Rukawa scowled harder at the floor, willing it to shallow his cousin to eternal hell. But it didn't, and probably wouldn't, so he got up and walked away from the noisy bunch congratulating the spiky haired player.
Rukawa ignored the call, quickly collecting his bag and walking out of the court. He didn't want to hear them talk about their wedding, about their happy dreams.
He needed to get away from all this.
He needed to forget the hurt he was feeling.
He needed to forget everything.
He needed a stiff drink.
Rukawa leaned on the wall and closed his eyes, feeling as if the world was spinning around beneath his feet. His head felt heavy and the pain in it insistently reminded him of the reason why he seldom drink, no matter how little. But somehow it helped. At least, he thought so.
He couldn't remember why he was drinking. That was what matters most anyway.
He pushed away from the wall and slowly made his way into the elevator. The ride up made him even more queasier. But he had already gotten everything he had eaten for the past twenty four hour out a while ago so he had nothing to worry about...
Not that he had anything to worry about.
Gripping the side of the elevator door, he stumbled out of the lift into the corridor. Somehow, he managed to find his apartment and his key and opened the lock with it. But before he pushed open the door, he suddenly felt the need to bang his head on the wooden obstacle like a certain redhead he knew, whose name he couldn't remember right now.
His head was pounding and he didn't remember anything. That was good. Rukawa pushed opened the door, content with that knowledge. But good things never last forever. He should have remembered that. How ironic.
"It's Rukawa-kun. He's home."
It was that voice again. His head was pounding harder but it was eclipsed by the more painful one in his chest. He didn't want to remember...
"Yokatta, he's alright," worried brown eyes looked at him.
Wasn't that why he went out to get drunk? To forget.
"Alright, I'll see you soon, 'kira."
Why was that voice so persistent in getting into his senses? He held his head with his hands, feeling it pound beneath his palms. Why was everything so painful?
"Rukawa-kun, daijoubu ka?"
[I said stop...]
He couldn't understand what the soft voice was saying... he didn't want to...
Rukawa blindly followed the guiding hand on his chest, reaching out to the side to steady himself. Laying down on his bed, he closed his eyes. Instinctively, he reached out, catching the retreating hand, not wanting him to go.
"Kimi..." he mumbled. [I love you...] "I..."
"Rukawa-kun, please let me go."
Rukawa blearily forced open his eyes. [I have to tell him...] his mind kept repeating. [I have to tell him...] His breath hitched at the sight that greeted him. Kiminobu was standing over him, looking like an angel sent from up above. The light from the ceiling highlighted his cherubic face. He looked so sad and worried.
[Why are you so worried?] Rukawa wanted to ask but he could only continue to stare.
"Rukawa-kun," the vision above him mouthed his name, he couldn't really understand what he was hearing, "I need-"
[I need you!] the thought flashed through his mind. He couldn't even think anymore, barely knew what he was doing as he pinned the smaller boy in his bed, hearing the brown haired boy gasp in surprise and shock.
"I love you."